Ah!…That Red Flag…Gets Me Every time.
A red flag is a warning…not a challenge!!!
Well for most people, this applies….and then there was me!.
I've collected that many red flags, I could supply the Buddhists with the raw materials they need to mass-produce their prayer flags.
In my defence, I didn’t know they were red flags at the time. I thought they were handsome things, although admittedly maybe a little broken.
Often hostile, but perhaps a glimmer of kindness was in there somewhere?
Flags with a sense of entitlement with behaviour to match, demeaning, belittling, intimidating, you name it.
Some of my red flags needed constant praise, validation, and admiration but never reciprocated the endless quantities of love given.
Some exploited my kindness for weakness, take, take, taking all the time….more and more to the point of breaking….oh I almost forgot…And then I was the issue… it was MY fault they behaved like that.
My red flags were blatantly waving around irresponsibility and unaccountability, with a nice shade of unreliability for good measure. They didn’t remain exclusive to intimate relationships, just in case this reads like a biography of the bad choices of men in my life.
This spans out into my entire world. I’m talking about all relationships – family, friends, bosses, co-workers, the dude packing shelves at Tesco, the lady serving coffee at Costa; no exclusivity here.
But because I didnt realise I was a walking, talking magnet to my flags, I could never understand some of the following:
Why was I in their story?. Why were they in mine?.
At some point, had I displayed some form of their behaviour patterns, and if so, why?.
Was I still displaying them, and if so, what was I doing about that?.
Where was my need, want, or desire to help, fix, or love to death others who had no issues walking across me, leaving me depleted beyond words?
What was even more conflicting was why, in the name of God, I had allowed each and every red flag in my life to fly at full mast, defying the winds that blew them?
Answer?…I honestly didn’t know they were red flags!.
My self-worth, self-esteem, and self-belief were so low, I thought they were 'challenges'.
I thought, felt, and believed with certainty that if I could make those red flags see me, want me, love me, trust me, acknowledge me, appreciate me and value me, then I'd finally get to know and experience all of those things for myself too. I thought I had to fight for them, hence my love for a good old challenge!
I didn’t know they were red flags, and I didn’t realise I needed to stop fighting for everything; I was enough just as I was. This was the beginning of my self-love journey and the point at which I decided to pour everything I was giving to my red flag collection right back into myself, probably for the first time ever.
Forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself for flying your red flags way longer than what was necessary.
When you get to the point of understanding their presence in your world, you will never wave another again.
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